That sudden feeling of overwhelming joy when you find yourself right where you want to be
This past weekend I felt I needed to slow down some, disconnect some. I took a step off and looked into the bigger picture. As in I took a breather. I needed one. I needed to force myself out of being inside the heads of Miss Roeberg or Sebastian and go back to being inside my head. To reconnect with the things I like and those I love doing. So I took my son to the park early Saturday morning, and we just walked around, played, went up to the creek to try and spot the frogs, took in the sun and the fresh air.
Later I managed to snap some pictures, under a glorious morning light, before the sun hits my living room with a golden glow, setting everything ablaze. This Spring morning light is something quite fleeting, it lasts for less than a month, at that precise time of day, so I went and took advantage of it, and did it all over again Sunday morning. It casts a soft, buttery glow over everything in my home, and it feels like you're in a backyard somewhere in the south of the USA, fresh laundry hanging from ropes and pegs around you, green grass under your feet, the sweet scent of apple blossoms in the air and cotton fields out there in the distance.
I'm quite aware of how romanticized that is, but one must be as one must be, and I am always one to fantasize how I believe things are, nevermind the reality of them. I will hardly ever get to go to Louisianna or Mississipi or South Carolina, so let me dream of how they are in my head, and believe I am right about that. And that Spring light manages to cast my mind adrift with such fantasies as those, and a desire to be productive with some balance to it.
And it's balance I'm taking about, managing to balance all I usually serve myself with in ways that seem at least healthy and normal, right? So this past weekend it was all for that. I put away my novel, even though I am merely pages away from finishing it, and I picked up my butt and tried to be a better mother by doing more stuff with the kiddo, tried to be a better wife by paying more attention to when my hubby comes over to me talking about LaTex - some sort of software he looooves - and tried to be a better blogger by cooking some more and photographing some more and finding myself there, as I style the pictures and the food I have prepared.
And I found myself feeling this surge of happiness inside me one moment when I was editing pictures, a sense that seems to fill up one's entire chest with gratitude and love and joy, as if one couldn't breathe with such fulfillment one feels, and that is what I crave the most in life, those moments when my breast seems to fill up with this fleeting emotion that is so strong and overwhelming, whenever I look at my son or my husband, but also as I am writing or styling shoots or editing photos. It is a sense that all is well and as it should be, that I am on my path, doing the right thing, being happy and acomplished and fulfilled, no matter what the rest of the world might say.
It's like eating. From all over one gets hit with notions and theories and fads that one should be eating this and that and doing this and that, and always made to feel as if what one does and eats and buys is always not quite right, not quite good enough. I eat as the seasons tell me to, and as my body asks me to, I try to listen to my cravigs and understand them. Sometimes I forget to eat, and I know that it's the worse thing I can do to myself. I am a gremlin when I'm hungry. But when I'm so absorbed in my work that my head turns off from the world, I do fail to eat especially if there's nothing ready and at hand, something easy and fast. Like these puddings.
These are truly the easiest thing ever. You know what this is? This is pineaplle jelly that was made with milk instead of water. Yup, that simple. And yet so fulfilling, so comforting, so good. It's like dessert but not really. If I have a fridge full of these, along with fruit, my afternoon snack is quite accounted for. Just grab one of these and munch it down, an apple or a pear or a peach or whatever is in season, and I don't even have to think about eating. I got that covered! This and yogurt are my life savers come Spring and Summer, when I'm hard at work and can't be bothered to go and make something to eat. These work just fine by me, and I can get them done over the weekend, and just depend on them so I can make the most of my time. And that means I get to write a little longer!